Singaporean girl Terra Lim raped by ex boyfriend
So this is a secret that I’ve been holding on to for 3 years now since it happened. The reason why I kept it a secret was because I was still in school and I was young, hence I was scared of people finding out the truth. But now that it’s nearly been a year since I graduated and I have a whole other life, with the additional #MeToo and #TimesUp movement happening, I’m finally given an opportunity to talk about this. I’m ready.
I was raped when I was 18 years old by my then-boyfriend. His name is Earle Ronda.
We met in Republic Poly as we were classmates and we got together.
That incident happened over at his place at Sembawang. I’ll try to explain this as best but minimal as I can. We were fooling around in his room, one thing led to another and…. he suddenly put his penis inside me. I was a virgin, he was not.
Prior to that happening, I had no intention of having sex with him or losing my virginity to him, ever. He didn’t ask me about it either. He didn’t ask if I wanted to have sex with him. He didn’t ask if I wanted it. He just simply put it inside me without my consent.
When it happened, I got the sharpest pain in my vagina and I yelled out “OW!”. He pulled away quickly and he started apologising, saying he was sorry and it was an “accident”.
How do you accidentally put your penis into someone’s vagina, I wonder?
I laid there on his bed for a long time just waiting for the sharp pain to fade. I didn’t even realise I was bleeding. It was after what seemed like 10 minutes that I got up slowly to go to the toilet, that we realised that I had bled a full amount. The blood stain on his sheets was the size of my palm.
After I got out of the toilet, he had already taken off his sheets and he told his mom that my period came, hence the blood. That ****ing liar.
I told him that I needed a moment and he left me alone in his room. That was when I called my best friend and I cried to her. I cried and I described the feeling of losing something involuntarily and I can never get it back. I didn’t know why I was so upset…. I just was.
Not long later, I went home. The next day, we went to school as normal. I felt down but nothing else happened.
We continued to date for another 3 months before we broke up.
I had the worst luck because for the next remaining 2 years in school, he was in my class and I had to see my rapist every day. Sometimes even for different modules I had to do group work with my rapist.
It’s been 3 years… yet I still remember that night in my head ever so clearly.
Rumours of the breakup spread around my course and soon my friends started to ask, “What happened?”
“It just didn’t work out”, I would tell them.
Whenever we played Truth or Dare, or Never Have I Ever, I always lied. Yes, I’m a virgin. No, we didn’t do anything sexual.
I was so scared of others finding out what has happened to me, because it was awful. It was a terrible thing to happen to me.
Everybody knew everybody in school so there was no way I could say anything… I didn’t want to go to school everyday with people judging me as it was.
And if you’re thinking, why didn’t I call the police?
When/After it happened, it took me a really really long time (months, maybe even close to a year) to realise and label it as rape. I convinced myself that it really was an accident, that somehow his penis just slipped inside and penetrated me so hard that I bled.
Here’s some additional info: He raped his ex girlfriend too.
Before me, he dated another girl (I forgot her name unfortunately) but I remember the story that he told me.
We shall call her G.
So Earle and G were dating in secondary school. G wasn’t a virgin, Earle was.
One day they were fooling around and Earle stuck his penis inside G, without asking her!!!!!!!!
Earle told me that G pulled away immediately and said, “I don’t want to do it tonight” and they stopped.
But Earle took a moment later to think “****, I just lost my virginity like that”
Yeah, you lost your virginity by raping her, and you took mine by raping me.
So what I’m trying to say here is… Rape is not always how they show it on TV. Growing up, watching Channel 8 dramas, the media always showed Rape as men dragging women into dark alleys and stripping them and raping them.
Or its men pinning women down on the beds, stripping and forcing sex on them.
Media always showed Rape as violent. Those women were always struggling and screaming for help. It does happen, but Rape can happen behind closed doors without any physical struggles… as it happened to me and Earle’s ex-girlfriend.
I am still terrified of telling this to the world. I’m terrified of what people might think and respond.. but I have to do this. I have to do this to warn girls out there to be wary of Earle Ronda. I don’t want my fate to befall on someone else.
So here’s my piece and support of the #MeToo movement, because I am a victim. I am a survivor. Because the time is up and this shouldn’t be happening, ANY MORE. I hope by speaking up about my experience, it will give other victims the courage to speak up and call out their abuser.
I’m also thankful for all the women who were brave enough throughout this movement to speak up about their own experiences, which in turn gave me the courage to do this.
And if Earle Ronda happens to read this, here’s something I want to say to you: